First & Last
by rmlawson78
Summary: Continuation of "Let it be me"...Emily and Derek's life has finally come together but will more secrets from her past tear them apart or only bring them closer!
1. Chapter 1

_**First and Last**_

_**I DO NOT OWN CRIMINAL MINDS OR ITS CHARACTERS…..ALTHOUGH I DO LIKE TO PRETEND TO! THIS IS THE NEXT IN THE SERIES AFTER "Let it be me"…I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY!**_

_(August 23__rd__ 2006 …"Congratulations Miss Reynolds you have a beautiful baby girl"…as I try to regain what composure I can from crying from the unbearable pain that just tore from my body to end in this little miracle the doctor just laid on my chest my eyes blur once more seeing this perfect little angel with all my features including a head full of raven black hair. I pull her up closer to me so I can inspect her from head to toe….she is absolutely perfect I think to myself! I would almost be kidding myself if I didn't wish her father was here to see this little miracle we created…but if I am going to make sure she is safe and protect her from the world I know she would be exposed to if he were involved I must enjoy these brief moments I have with her!)_

Em….babe…..god how I love hearing those words first thing in the morning as he wakes me…..it always starts the same then he starts kissing me as he pulls me even closer to his warm inviting body! As I stir I just grin letting myself melt into his warmth not wanting it to end….these past few months have been the best few months of my life and I wouldn't give anything for them…..things seemed to just fall in place after that first morning either he wakes up here or I wake up at his place either way we wake up together unless he is on a case. He ask me what was I crying about in my sleep….he wanted to know if I was having another one of those nightmares again or what! As I come back to reality I say I didn't realize I was crying he said yes you kept mumbling something then you would whimper and you had tears running down your face….how could I tell him what I was dreaming about was no nightmare but one of the happiest times a woman could ever experience, but also was one of the saddest moments for me as well!

Derek had been away on a case for about 3 days and it had been 3 days of restlessness for me…the one thing I had learned since we had gotten together was that my sleep patterns where always at their best when he was holding me or at least in the bed with me. So to say the least this time around it seemed to be a little more agitating for myself considering my unconscious mind was have a field day of bringing up buried memories from my past…

_(August 26__th__ 2006…..As I sat in the rocking chair in the hospital nursery holding my sweet baby girl Bella I knew I only had a few more hours with her before she would be going to her new home so she would be safe & I would be on a plane back to the states to assume back my old life! This was the hardest decision I had ever made in my whole life….for the second time in my lifetime I had to deny being a mother to a child of mine…..once because of my own stupidity of never letting that child live….and the second to save this child's life from an evil more unbearable than death itself! I had hoped things could have been different, but I knew I could not give this beautiful blessing what she truly deserved!)_

I awoke to my cell phone going off, as I looked at the screen it was the ever vibrant Garcia's face that showed…..as I said hello I had the utmost dread come into mind that Garcia was not simply calling me for the hell of it…Emily are you home she asked….I asked what has happened…..Emily nothing has happened I just need to come by I think we need to talk! GARCIA if something is wrong please just tell me I can handle it…no Emily everything is fine I just need to speak to you about something in private that involves you before Derek finds out!

_**OK DO NOT GET MAD AT THE SHORTNESS….BUT I PROMISE THIS WILL BE A LENGTHY STORY! AS REVEALED PARTLY IN MY LAST SAGA EMILY'S SECRET HAS BEEN REVEALED SOMEWHAT, BUT IS THEIR MORE TO IT OR HAVE THE REMAINDER OF HER LIES SHE HAS HAD TO TELL GOING TO REALLY BE HER UNDOING THIS TIME! PLEASE R&R I HOPE YOU WILL ENJOY THIS TIDBIT!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**First & Last Chapter 2**_

Penelope knew it was wrong to still keep tabs on Emily's life like she had been even after all this time, but ever since she came back from the Doyle death saga she just could not help herself. I mean come on they had almost lost her twice in less than just a matter of a few years…..and this past year had been hell for all of them watching her life hang in limbo as it had. Penelope had somehow become the protector of her family along with being the strong one everyone turned to for guidance.

Little did Penelope know that someone just a little over 2000 miles away across the ocean had been keeping tabs on Emily as well but for totally different purposes…who had finally realized that Lauren Reynolds & Emily Prentiss where one in the same! This stark realization was about to turn several peoples worlds upside down for either the better or for the worst.

As Penelope had went through her daily routine of files, hacks, emails, scans & morning check-in with the team….that's when a silent alert message caught her attention. Someone had hacked into her system downloading several personal files, as she started to firewall them she was rerouted to the U.S. Embassy in Paris's mainframe web page, while watching her monitor lockup unloading numerous personal files she slid her chair across to another set of monitors watching them upload exactly what was being downloaded. All she could see was files of Lauren Reynolds being uploaded then switching back to Emily Prentiss files from prior to her CIA days….Penelope felt like she was being attacked from within being unable to have everything swiped like it was….then her attention was brought back to the other monitor and zoned in on present day satellite images of Emily's building then as quickly as it had begun everything went blank.

On the other side of the U.S. some 2000 miles away in Oregon Derek was trying for the life of him to get ahold of Emily, he had not heard from her in two days which was totally unlike her….they had made it a point ever since they had gotten together to always speak to each other every day regardless considering they both knew how easy things can drastically change! When he had spoken to her two nights ago she had sounded exhausted but other than that she seemed her normal self, but the next day around noon he had tried to call her to tell her that they had hoped to be done by the weekend, but all he had gotten was her voicemail…..he had tried several times later throughout the day to only receive the same thing so yesterday when her phone went straight to voicemail he knew something was terribly wrong. He had called Penelope to ask if she had heard from her…..with a hesitant voice she told him that she had spoken to her earlier the day before on the phone and had told her she would be stopping by, but when she had arrived late afternoon yesterday Emily was gone. Derek asked Garcia if Emily had said anything to her when she had spoken to her that sounded off or out of the ordinary…..but all Penelope would say is that she thought it would be wise for him to get back here as soon as possible.

_(August 23__rd__, 2007…..Happy 1__st__ Birthday Bella…..I know you are too young to understand but this is your Godmother Emily, her adopted mother told Bella…..Emily's heart broke wishing it was her getting to take the pride of being this beautiful little angels mother showing her off. The one thing Emily knew was in all the pictures & videos that Stephanie and Max sent her this past year was that Bella was definitely her daughter in every way except for those cerulean blue eyes just like her father's & her brother's.)_

I had gotten in my car and just started driving as fast as I could to anywhere but where I was at right now….the more I dreamt the more I had Bella on my mind….what the hell was going on & what in the hell did Penelope need to talk to me about that would upset Derek! Two hours later I found myself sitting in front of Declan's boarding school pondering whether I should take him out of class now or just wait the next four hours, either way I felt it was not going to ease my mind nor was it going to benefit Declan to miss half a day of school.

As I sat in the little café down the road I knew looking at my cell I needed to call Derek to let him know I was alright considering the number of texts and calls I had missed from him along with the missed calls from Garcia…..which only surprised me that I had not been ambushed by a swat team yet tracking me down…..but I needed to clear my head and nothing brought me more joy than being able to spend it with Declan. I felt bad that I had only been able to see him once since I had gotten out of the hospital. As I finished my decaf earl grey hot tea & cinnamon scone I paid the cashier making my way out to my car when I heard a name from the past that froze me completely in my tracks…_"Lauren….Lauren Reynolds is that you?"_

_(December 20__th__, 2008…..Declan I know I promised you we would not spend Christmas out of the country this year but I really needed to come to Paris this time so you could meet someone….When Bella saw us walk in she was a little hesitant to talk to us considering she only ever spent time with just me on these visits…but it did not take her long to warm up once Declan flashed those beautiful eyes her way….just like his father he knew how to win you over with those eyes, as I was soon learning my sweet Bella had learned as well to! I let them play for a while as I watched from afar, Stephanie was catching me up on everything that Bella had been doing as well as showing me pictures from what I had missed the past months since my visits had been reduced due to my caseloads at the BAU…..my heart ached even more knowing that I was living a lie not only to my sweet Bella but to my co-workers who had started making me apart of their family. That's when Max walked in with Paul Logan he introduced me saying he was going to be Bella's new liaison…..Paul gave me a double take as he did the remainder of the evening…between Bella, Declan and Myself! I knew he saw the resemblance but hoped like hell he would let things be…..)_

_**SO THIS IS WHERE I AM GOING TO LEAVE THIS FOR RIGHT NOW…I HOPE YOU ARE KINDOF GETTING THE PICTURE HERE OF WHAT IS HAPPENING BUT I HOPE YOU ALSO DO NOT GET TO MAD AT ME FOR NOT REVEALING TOO MUCH….AS ALWAYS THANK YOU FOR THE R&R'S AND KEEP THEM COMING…..!**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**First & Last Chapter 3**_

There was no way in hell I was about to turn around when I heard the name "Lauren Reynolds" called out…..I stepped a little faster in the direction of my car, I reached slowly for my keys as I heard the man say once more I am sorry Miss Prentiss…..Emily Prentiss as he grabbed for my right forearm to turn me around I just froze seeing that it was Paul Logan in the flesh. Before I could say anything he ushered me to a nearby bench along the sidewalk to have a seat. He said he did not mean to startle me nor alarm me, that he just needed to speak to me and get some answers clarified!

_(February 19__th__, 2009…Max and Stephanie are you sure this is such a good idea, I mean I really appreciate that you all let me be a part of Bella's life and well I…..I…I well are you sure you want me to stay with her for a whole week? You know the last several visits she has been asking why she looks so much like me! Yes Emily we know, but even though we love Bella with all our heart you are still her mother and we could never take that away from you…she is going to grow up one day and she is never going to stop asking questions….we want all of her memories of you to be good ones & the more she knows that you where their even when she was little like she is now will only make her know you have always loved her and was only trying to protect her!)_

Emily or shall I say Lauren….I know you are Bella's mother and I know you have a very confused little girl who thinks the same thing…..before I could utter a word he says please let me finish! I nod my head for him to continue, Emily a few months ago before I was discharged from my ward of Bella I was driving her to a play date with some friends when she started asking some questions….first they were innocent but then they become more complex than even I knew how to answer coming from an 7 year old, which only made me more concerned. I asked Paul exactly what did she ask you and how does this involve me or better yet should I ask why were you discharged…what did you do…He looked at me apologetically saying I may have helped her discover exactly who you where!

The words I had not wanted to hear or at least thought that I never wanted to hear had possibly came true….this would explain….well hell what would it have explained! I urged him on to tell me what she had said….as he continued in telling me that Bella had said that she knew that Stephanie and Max where not really her parents but stand in's because her mother was a very important lady because she was like a Queen and she herself was a Princess….Paul said he asked her how she knew this and she said well I have a fairy Godmother who comes and sees me all the time although she has not come in quite some time due to very busy schedule of keeping up with trying to make sure she stayed safe…..I asked Bella why her fairy godmother needed to make sure she stayed safe, and she said because on her last visit she told me that she just had to come see me to make sure I was safe and said that it may be a while before she saw me again because she had to fix some things first before she could come back again. When I asked her who her fairy godmother was of course she said silly it is Emily why do you think she looks so much like me…!

_(August 22__nd__, 2009….Happy Birthday Little Princess Bella…..I have missed you so much and you are getting so big! "Oh Emily watch ya brings me? I tell her I brought her a very special gift for only her…as I pull out the pretty pink wrapped package she claps her hands in excitement…."Is it for me she ask"….I shake my head setting her down on the floor as she tears into the neatly wrapped package when she opens the box lid she looks inside….as I watch her cerulean blues light up she reaches in to pull the doll out that looks just like her….she hugs her tightly as she looks at her again she notices the little necklace around her neck has a little ballet slipper pendant on it…that's when I hand her another little package without letting the doll go she tears into the little package to find her own necklace matching her doll's…Oh Emmy I luv you…..)_

I sat their wondering what to say….knowing that this day was going to come eventually but I had never guessed it would be so soon…So you said she thinks I am her mother how did she come to that conclusion! He said well she told her mother or shall I say Stephanie that she wanted to see her real mommy….Stephanie at first said well I am your real mommy….but being the head strong girl that Bella is she said no I mean the one who's tummy I came out of! Stephanie told her she was asking questions she was not old enough to understand and that she did not need to think about things like that.

I guess my hesitant breath gave me away as he asked so are you really Bella's birth mother? I just sat there for what seemed like forever before saying anything …..he said it is alright I know the truth, I must admit with my current position with the state's department I have access to a lot of let's just say confidential files…..and I might have accidently came across a certain ex-team members records about you to verify some lose ended questions I had! I thought what the fuck I had barely dodged the bullet with Cramer last year, but now I have to worry about protecting my secrets even more! Emily if I may still call you Emily I did not come here to threaten you by no means…I just came to tell you that you have a very scared little girl who is just trying to figure out where she belongs and who knows you are a part of it all somehow….as well as I know if she finds her birth certificate which she may have already….when she finds Lauren Reynolds & Ian Doyle as her parents and they both say deceased she is going to be quite broken and quite angry as she gets older to find out in truth that Emily Prentiss….A.K.A Lauren Reynolds is quite alive & has been lying to her for a very long time!

Paul you said she knew or you thought she knew that I was her mother what reason or shall I saw what makes you think that? It was Paul's turn to take a heavy sigh….well I received a letter about two weeks ago from Luciana her nanny asking me to help her track you down since it had been almost a year since you had been to visit because she heard Stephanie and Max discussing that they were getting a divorce making it only more stressful that they had been living this lie the whole time with Bella…..and that he thought it was wise if they gave Bella back to her real mother since there was no danger to her anymore. Luciana said that Stephanie went crazed saying that she was their daughter and that Emily did not deserve her that she just discarded her as if she didn't have the time nor space to do so…..and that she only made matters worse when she came for visits! She had continued in saying that they had fought on into the night, but it was the next morning when she had went into wake Bella that she found her asleep in her bathtub with the doll you had gotten her, Luciana said that when Bella awoke that she had told her what she had heard her parents talking about and that she needed to find you so you could protect her like you always had because she was a princess and you where her fairy godmother. She said poor Bella had cried off and on for two days refusing to eat or drink anything until she could see you….when I spoke to her three days ago she said that Bella has been ill and although she had ate very little since she has refused to leave her room or speak at all!

_(October 31__st__ 2009…Awe look at you princess you are absolutely beautiful I am so happy you came to visit me hear in the states and that I get to take you trick or treating…..Emmy I know I am's snow white for Halloween buts why yous always call me's princess? I chuckle at her question before I lean down to kiss her on the forehead and pull her into me god how I love these moments I get with her, as she pulls slightly away from me she ask me why am I crying…..I just smile and tell her because you are such a beautiful princess and I never want to forget this moment….as she places her little hand to my cheek to wipe away a stray tear she says you will never forget me will you Emmy?) _

_OK I KNOW THAT WAS A LITTLE OF THE BEATEN PATH AND HAS REALLY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE POINT BUT I NEED YOU TO KNOW ALTHOUGH EMILY WAS BUSY WITH HER KNEW LIFE AS EMILY PRENTISS SHE HAD NEVER PUT BELLA OUT OF HER LIFE! THANK YOU FOR THE R&R PLEASE KEEP THEM COMING…..I REALLY THINK YOU ARE GOING TO ENJOY THE NEXT COUPLE OF CHAPTER'S BECAUSE IT PROVES WHY THIS I AN "M RATING"!_


	4. Chapter 4

_**First & Last Chapter 4**_

As I sat at the breakfast nook sipping on my hot tea I was going over everything in my head that had transpired in the past week, between Derek being gone, Penelope making me worry to death, Paul's visit, and of course my sweet Bella! I knew I needed to make some decisions fast regarding Bella as well as what I was going to tell Derek before I jumped on a plane to Paris and was gone again. I guess I was lost in my own thoughts because I had not heard Derek come in the room…..Em are you ok…..earth to Emily as he waved a hand in front of my face, I managed to slightly shake my head to look at him to say hhmmm…..Emily I know you are looking at me but your mind is a million miles away you have been like this since I got back yesterday what's going on in that pretty head of yours? I just looked at him unsure of what to say or how to even say it or if I needed to even say it right now. I cleared my throat as I got up to step closer to him and pull him into me wrapping my arms around him knowing if I said I just need you to hold me it would make him think I was just feeling wanted, but would do the trick for the moment!

Another reason I loved Saturday mornings especially when he was off because we always managed to make our way back to bed or where ever the mood had struck us…..this morning we ended back in bed we had been laying here talking for the past hour about his case, what we wanted to do for the remainder of the weekend, and something that kind of surprised me…he said he wanted us to move in together…..considering well hell we spent all our free time together or at each other's homes anyways…..but what he did next kind of floored me he wanted us to buy a place together that would be just ours and not "his or hers" but "ours"! Before I even realized it I said yes chiming in that it had to be big enough for the kids and for family to visit along with….that's when I saw that look on his face…..he had the biggest grin on his face…..as I asked what…. he said are you telling what I think you are telling….please tell me you are? I just looked at him kind of confused what are you talking about….Em you just said it had to be big enough for the kids…..I must have had that "oh shit" look on my face because the next thing I knew he had grabbed me pulling me closer to him…..kissing me like his life depended on it, as I looked up into his eyes after he had leaned back looking at me he said do you know you have made me even more happier than you know it…I just smiled…..but that's when I felt his hand on my stomach and he asked how far along…as the smile disappeared on my face I was completely dumb-founded did he just ask me what I think he asked me…I guess my confusion showed because he said I know we were not trying or anything but this is a sign! I didn't say anything I just laid their completely at a loss for words….I tried to compose myself before informing him I was not pregnant nor had I planned on getting pregnant…(_but then it hit me like a ton of bricks I could remember it clearly while I was in my coma I had been pregnant and was having a little boy…I was having Derek's little boy and he was so excited…..but this time around it was for real and I knew I couldn't take that away from him!) _I placed my hand on his over my stomach and the other on his cheek ….with the most love I could possibly say it with I said Derek no I am not but I want to be the mother of your children!

Kissing me lightly while he caressed my cheek tenderly he started kissing his way down my jawline every so lightly down my neck then back to set my lips a blaze…..I felt his hand grab my thigh pulling me closer to him feeling his harden appendage pressed against me I knew exactly where this was leading to…I whispered in his ear as I kissed at his pulse point "so I guess this means you want me to be the mother of your children"…..I felt his chest reverberate across me as he released my nipple out of his mouth to answer "God yes woman"…..watching him go back to kissing along my bust line he trailed feather weight kisses down my smooth taunt stomach sending shivers of excitement down my spine, as one hand tenderly caressed my breast then would roll my nipple between his fingers, while the other found solace caressing up and down the side of my outer thigh. I do not know why it always takes my breath away or I even am surprised when he makes me feel something new during these sexual excursions he takes me on….but all be damned I am thankful for his skillful attributes…there is something about the way he makes me feel like I am completely coming undone and cannot stand another moment because I am simply going to explode, then he changes it up making me want more of what he is doing…just like now "Oh fuck it to hell"…..when he does that turn of his tongue then blows every so lightly while he penetrates me with those wickedly talented fingers of his!

This woman does not know what she does to me when she says the things she says to me while I am lavishing her body with my very soul…..my one goal is to make sure she is completely satisfied….but she makes it so hard for me to hold out and not just take her right know when she moves or caresses me the way she does…..I love how she arches off the bed clinging to me for dear life as I consume her very essence….speaking in foreign languages half the time…..or the way she says my name begging me to give her more….more…..more! Does she not know I would die for her…..that I would go to the ends of the world just as long as it meant I was pleasing her! I love the way it feels inside her velvety walls as she clings to me while her breaths become ever so labored I can tell she is on the verge of going overboard while her walls spasm ever more so around me and she clasps her fingers ever so tightly into my backside I hear her cry out my name breathlessly as she tries to catch her breath I slowdown to extend her pleasure, but speed back up as I feel her thrust come in rhythm with mine once again as we hold on to each other for dear life trying to ride out the last few waves of utter pleasure!

I say to him to just come with me as he speeds back up because I can feel myself fixing to succumb to his pleasure once again….but he just catches sync with my rhythm while he moves his hand to gently message my clit knowing that this is going to only throw me so far over the edge I will be done for as he bites ever so gently onto my pulse point…..I arch myself into him even more as I roll my hips harder into him I hear his breath catch and he makes that low growling noise that he makes right before he is about to completely lose it…..I get one more thrust in before I feel that explicitly wonderful feeling over taking my very being he makes me feel…."oh God don't let him stop what he is doing"….I feel him going rigid as he pumps into me faster sending more bolts of pleasure through me as my body spasms away I cannot help but to keep saying his name then I feel as he tightens around my body an roars out my name repeatedly while emptying his very being into me…..God how I wish these moments would never end!

_**YES I KNOW THIS WAS A LITTLE DIFFERENT CHAPTER AND NOT ONE OF MY USUAL DEMILY LOVE SCENES BUT AS YOU KNOW THEY BOTH ARE IN DIFFEERNT ASPECTS OF THIS RELATIONSHIP AT WHICH I AM TRYING TO LET YOU ALL SEE THAT AS WELL! THANKS FOR THE R&R'S MUCH APPRECIATED…..AND THANKS TO LULUPETTS FOR HER INPUT AND QUESTIONS….PLEASE FILL FREE TO ASK AWAY AND I AM ALWAYS INTERESTED IN YOUR ALL'S INPUT!**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**First & Last Chapter 5**_

The weekend had flown by and before I knew it Derek was pulling and kissing me towards the door on his way out to work! It seemed like the only thing we had manage to accomplish over the weekend was being lazy….well I shouldn't say lazy there was a lot of activity involved just not in the way…..well hell we had a lot of one on one action along with cherishing each other exclusively all weekend. I had managed to finally put some real clothes on after our morning romp in the shower considering I do not think his body or a sheet count as proper clothing either. God how much my life had changed over the past year along with I knew some more changes where only beginning to happen either for the good or for the worst….but I was hoping for the best!

The one thing I was thankful for was that my visit from Paul last week had been put completely in the back of my mind by this weekend, but it was still lingering around the corner which only meant that I needed to address this situation fast and I needed to figure out what I was going to tell Derek. After Paul's little visit I went on up to see Declan who has changed so much I feel as though I keep missing so much with him although he says he is completely happy and wouldn't change a thing I know there is still that part of him that misses not having a normal life with actual parents. He said he cannot wait for fall break because he was going on a ski trip with a friend of his family and then of course it would be Thanksgiving before we knew it….he asked if he could spend it with me which only made me all too happy, thinking how the last real thanksgiving we had spent together was when I was still Lauren. My how much things have changed and sometimes I wonder how differently things would of turned out if …no I cannot let my mind or heart go down what if roads, they only lead to heartache.

_(August 23__rd__ 2010…My heart was about to beat out of my chest when I saw her sitting there all by herself that evening just playing with her dolls…it was her 4__th__ birthday and I had hoped she was still having a party or at least someone with her, but instead I see the same thing I had grown up in being alone with your only friends being your dolls! Bella glanced around to see me walking in the room but turned right back around ignoring me completely…..so I went to sit down in the rocker across from where she was playing I said "hello Birthday Princess"….but no response…..so I said I am sorry I did not make it to your party today, but I promise to make it up to you tomorrow if you let me…..still nothing….I knew this game all too well so I just lend back and watched as she played talking to her dolls while they had an imaginary tea party. I guess I had not realized how long I had been sitting their because I had almost dozed off from being so jetlagged when I heard her little voice say why have you not came and visited me in so long? I just looked at her trying to keep the tears that came from no were from falling…..I managed to say I am sorry my sweet princess but my job keeps me away so much that it is really hard to stay away, I didn't have the heart to tell her that Stephanie and Max had asked that I only come to visit now of holidays, since Bella had started being quite the inquisitive little question asker…..they had said Bella wanted to know why she looked so much like me and not like Stephanie who was blonde haired with emerald green eyes or Max who had copper russet red hair with hazel eyes…..! She came over stood in front of me with the shyest of faces said will you hold me, without hesitation I reached out to bring her close to me she snuggled up into my lap, she played with the little cross pendant on my necklace then she laid her hand over it on my chest….as I rocked ever so softly and not a word being said between us I could feel her relaxing into me sometime later I felt a light touch on my shoulder it was Luciana her nanny coming in I apparently had dozed as well as Bella was sound asleep in my arms holding onto me like her life depended on it. Luciana stepped away looking at Bella then looking back up at me with a big smile I whispered what and Luciana said shaking her head you must really be her "fairy godmother" because you are the only person that she ever let's do that…..I asked do what…..she said ever since she was old enough to walk that I was the only one Bella would ever let hold her or rock her to sleep…Luciana continued saying that even when she was just a baby and even now she fusses or makes a fit when she is held while sleeping but not you it's almost as if….)_


	6. Chapter 6

_**First & Last Chapter 6**_

When I opened the door to find none other than Penelope Garcia on the other side I knew I was fixing to regret opening this door….but what I saw was a large frown and her saying….._OMG Emily what's wrong with my raven haired beauty?_ I said nothing why! She said _you have been crying_…..I responded with a no when I reached up to my cheek I felt remnants of tears I had not even realized had been falling….but as I thought about it for the brief moment I knew that this flash back hit me harder than the other ones had….! I looked at Penelope asking what is today's date she said Tuesday October 10, 2013…I said "holy shit" out loud I had missed Bella's birthday….it was the first time I had ever missed it….OMG I was starting to have a mini meltdown I needed to be on the next flight out to Paris…..I needed to see her…..it's been a year since I had seen her….she is going to hate me even more….she may really not want to see me this time!

Penelope I guess realized I was about to lose it because she came and put her arms around me telling me to tell the "all knowing tech oracle" what was going on. I couldn't…I could not tell her when I had not even fathomed how I was going to tell Derek yet, even though I assumed I was going to have to do it sooner rather than later. I managed to say I guess I am just a little emotional and hormonal right now….it will pass it is just a phase right now…..boy was that the wrong thing to say because she let out a high pitched squeal along with jumping excitedly before embracing me again saying _OMG…OMG….I cannot believe Chocolate God did not tell me yet….then she said OMG he does know right please tell me this wasn't still a secret!_ I just look at her like she has lost her flippin' mind to say what the hell….then it dawns on me she thinks I am pregnant as I begin to laugh hysterically…..for Christ sake in less than a matter of days I have managed to make two different people think I am pregnant this most surely be some kind of sign. Garcia just looks at me with shock asking what…..I tell her no I am not pregnant just emotional I had been thinking about something's and also I figured I better make this a good one….and also Derek wants us to live together…she looked at me funny saying _but you already do that except for you keep separate addresses._ Technically she was right but I said we are going to make it more official in as we are getting a place together that's just ours!

Penelope seemed to have calmed down by the time I asked her what brought her by….with a hesitant look she chimed right in with….._Who is Paul Logan from the States Department…..Why is the U.S. Embassy in Paris pulling your records from my personal files…..Why do you go to Paris every August since 2006 except this year pertaining…..and Who is Bella Claiborne?_ I asked are you done….she looked at me as if nodding to say yes. I said first and foremost why do you have my personal files, lastly I cannot answer the remainder of your questions because part of them I really do not have an answer for, I mean something's are meant to be kept secret for a reason Penelope and then something's I am still trying to sort out myself

_Emily you know I love you like a sister, but I thought we came to an understanding after the whole Doyle thing….NO MORE LIES AND NO MORE SECRETS!_ Pen…..something you need to understand I have told you anything that had to do with my time while in the CIA or at INTERPOL before coming to the BAU that I could but what needed to stay private is going to stay that way….as for me being in Paris every August that was for personal pleasure….but before I could finish I should of known what comment that phrase was going to get but I was not fast enough before she was wanting to know if it was a secret lover or like one of my "Sin to Win" weekends. I informed her quickly that no it was just a personal getaway for me. Which only lead her to….._then_ _who is this Miss Bella Claiborne that was red flagged to Lauren Reynolds, and before you say no one remember I can check and I can investigate…_"I SCREAMED OUT NO"…before I even realized I was screaming which only made her jump and give me a very cherish the cat look that said I will do as you say but when I have the moments time don't bet I will not be checking her out! With as cool of temper as I could I manage to say Penelope please I am just asking you to leave well and good enough alone for once….before you…!

_Before she what's Emily…?_

_**OK I KNOW THIS AND THE LAST CHAPTER WHERE KINDOF SHORT BUT DO NOT FRET MORE IS COMING…..I HOPE YOU ALL ARE ENJOYING SO FAR AND THANK YOU FOR THE R&R! **_


	7. Chapter 7

_**First & Last Chapter 7**_

I was totally thrown off kilter by Derek's tone and the pure simple factor that I did not know…..one that he even was here…..second I did not know how much he had heard…& third well hell I was "FUCKED"…I guess it was time for the truth after all….or what version of the truth I wanted to let him in on. I guess hearing Derek's tone and aggression gave Penelope the cue either she needed to get out of the firing line or that she needed to get the hell out while the getting was good…..but what she did next was quite surprising!

_Derek my beautiful chocolate god I need you to give Emily and I some privacy for a while because you know it is not very nice to intrude on girl talk_…..Derek apparently was not going to have any of that because apparently he had heard pretty much everything….Derek used the exact same tone he had used on me just over a year ago concerning Mick….and let me tell you the level of grit that comes from him when he is like this makes me want to run and never look back! He looked at Garcia and said _**"GARCIA IF YOU KNOW WHATS BEST AND I HOPE THAT YOU DO YOU WILL JUST LEAVE US ALONE SO I CAN FIND OUT HOW MUCH EMILY REALLY TRUST ME AND SUPPOSEDLY LOVES ME"….**_I just stood there dumbfounded I couldn't fucking believe it…he just…..he just fucking A….why didn't he just fucking stab me in the heart…!

**DAMMIT TO HELL DEREK FUCKING MORGAN…..HOW DARE YOU…HOW FUCKING DARE YOU…YOU WANT TRUTH I WILL GIVE YOU FUCKING TRUTH…**I was already screaming and crying at the same time something I have not done in so fucking long…I had vowed to never let anyone ever see me this mad….I was trying to sort out what or how and in what order to tell him….but…..but I couldn't catch my breath to make out a plausible word…..OMG it hurts so bad…..I feel my eyes darkening…..everything is amplified…..I feel dizzy…..oh God my heart is aching…..God this hurts worse than anything I have ever felt before…..I know he is saying something but I cannot make it out as he is lunging towards me…..this pain….!

_(Only Derek & Garcia speaking)…_

**EMILY…EMILY…...EMILY BABY…BABY...…BABY COME ON WAKE UP…..EMILY DON'T FUCKING LEAVE ME I AM SORRY…..call someone Pen….fucking call someone I cannot lose her again…..**_**I am Derek**_**…..I am freaking out what the hell just happened….one minute she is screaming at him and the next….OMG the next…..he broke her….I think he broke her…..it's my fault….it's all my fault if I had not came over here and if I had not pressured her…..OMG Derek's going to hate me….what have I done!**

_(May 7th, 2011….Good morning Princess how did you sleep? Her little mouth opens wide with a big yawn and I just love when she stretches she makes this little noise almost as if she where a baby again cooing…..this has been the only blessing in this whole being dead thing getting to visit with my sweet Bella. Stephanie and Max had decided to vacation and had been letting me stay here with Bella while they were gone for the month…..at first it started out I would just tuck her in bed while reading her a story she would fall right to sleep or while rocking her she would crash…..but by the 4the night she had a bad dream and had found her way into my room and without asking she crawled up in the bed to snuggle up close to me…..I didn't ask any questions I just enjoyed the moment of having her in my arms for as long as she would let me! It had really surprised me that every time Stephanie would call Bella never really wanted to talk to her, she just said to tell her hi or if she did get on the phone she would just have a typical four year old conversation of I played dolls or went to the park….but she never really told her anything or the things we had done…..even more so she would never say I love you mommy or I miss you…she would just say I see you later! A few days before they were to arrive back from vacation Bella & I sat in the garden she was eating her breakfast of crepes and juice while I sipped on some hot tea…..I asked her what she wanted to do today but she didn't say anything she just kept her eyes focused on her food, when she finally did speak she said…..Emmy you won't leave me this time will you?...How was I supposed to answer that…..How could I tell my daughter that her father is out there somewhere and that it is not safe for me to stay with her…..She had been asking me questions for what seemed like days about my booboo's as she called them where Ian had branded me and why she had to be easy when I held her or we played because of my healing stomach wound! I didn't want to leave her I never wanted to leave her…all I ever wanted to do was to keep her safe and love her to no end….but all I have ever done is hurt her and abandon her just like my own mother had done me…..I didn't know what was worse the factor that I had been so critical of my own mother and how she had raised me or the factor is I turned exactly into her! Bella said Emmy you are leaving me aren't you….as tears rolled down her little porcelain face and her cerulean eyes had turned a shade of ice blue that reminded me so much of her father when he was angry…God what have I done…..!)_

_WELL THAT IS IT FOR NOW…..I HOPE YOU ARE NOT TOO MAD AT ME BUT I HOPE TO HAVE ANOTHER CHAPTER UP BY TOMORROW AND NOT LEAVE YOU ALL HANGING BEFORE THE WEEKEND…..WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK IS WRONG WITH EMILY AND WHAT HAD SHE REALLY DONE TO POOR BELLA? THANKS AS ALWAYS FOR THE R&R'S!_


	8. Chapter 8

_**First & Last Chapter 8**_

_(August 23__rd__, 2011….I could not believe it my baby girl is five years old today and starting school in just a few days…..missing all of these milestones keeps breaking my heart even more. I had been so grateful to have been able to see her off & on throughout this whole death thing, but anyways today I needed to focus on Bella! I had been quite unsure of what I wanted to give her as a gift this year…..well to say that was an understatement I knew what I wanted but I was just being selfish…..damned Ian…what I wanted more than anything was to…)_

_Miss Prentiss can you hear me_…..Miss Prentiss good come on open your eyes….._Now do not try to speak just nod your head if you can understand me…Can you hear what I am saying to you Miss Prentiss_?...I shake my head I can hear him but my head is absolutely killing me…._Miss Prentiss can you feel what I am doing?..._This idiot needs to let me up from here I have to get out of here…I look at him and say if you stick me with that damned needle one more time I am going to stick you with it…_Miss Prentiss please calm down I need you to relax_!...I hear a machine starting to go off and their it is again that pain….oh damn…..as I say please make this pain stop…!

_(January 31__st__, 2012….As soon as we had landed in D.C. from Texas I hopped on a plane for Paris in every intentions of bringing Bella home with me…..after this last case of the Piano Man I knew my demon was gone although he haunted my dreams quite frequently, but regardless I knew Bella, Declan, & myself where all safe for the time being…..so why couldn't I be the mom I wanted to be now! I couldn't wait to wrap her up in my arms so much had happened since her birthday…..her father was found although that was short lived & knowing that he is no longer a threat is heartwarming but in the same way it breaks me just a little because I know Lauren loved him….but like always I know I am Lauren or maybe Lauren is me! I didn't show up until a little after 4pm…..Max answered the door looking a little perturbed showing in his demeanor which should have let me know I was not welcomed even though Stephanie had said it was alright. I visited for several hours with her but something was a little different…..something was off Bella was just not quite herself what so ever, every time I asked if she was alright or if she wanted to talk she just say no in her little voice and would continue to either color or look at her books finding a new one each time for us to read together….we would take turns she would try to read to me then she would pick a larger book for me to read to her…..finally picking out the last book for me to read before it was her bedtime she climbed up in my lap sat cross ways putting her tiny hand on the left side of my chest flat and laid her head right beside it….I heard her sigh a little, but as I looked down in her face she had a look of determination or like she was in deep thought….so I said a penny for your thoughts…she bit on her lower lip then looked up to me where I could see the faintness of tears trying not to shed…I laid the book down so I could hold her better and cupped her little face with my now free hand asking her what was wrong baby-girl…she said…I am trying to remember what your heart sounds like…)_

JJ I am just fine please quit fussing over me…..I really do not need anyone staying with me….I will be just fine…..it is bad enough that I have to wear this stupid heart monitor, but now I do not need you worrying! _Emily please you have been in the hospital again for 3 days scaring us half to death_….._now I know they just said it was stress and…..and….and well a mild breakdown…Emily you are just trying to please everyone to much…..for heaven's we have only had you back barely 3 months this time…I….I cannot take it to lose you anymore! _I just turn around and wrap my arms around her as she just sobs into my shoulder…..I ask her now who is the one to be worried about and she gives me a snotty laugh…..as I say yuck you just…just gross…..she laughs again while trying to apologize for snotting on me. As I say to her again no really JJ it is fine I really just want to go and crawl up in bed with a hot cup of tea and read or just sleep because after all that probing the past few days I am beat…she is giving me that look & I know what she is about to say, but I do not say anything I just turn to walk towards the kitchen. _Emily are you going to call him…..you know he is really…..well he is really torn up over this…..and I understand why you didn't want to see him or speak to him, but you too need to work this out….Emily he loves you like crazy_…."Crazy huh"…..yeah the only thing crazy here is me thinking that this would work between him and me…..he still hasn't forgotten what I did to him two years ago and he is never going to let me forget**…..I HAVE ENOUGH WORRIES ON MY OWN DAMNED PLATE AS TO KEEP WONDERING IF I AM LIVING UP TO DEREK MORGANS STANDARDS OF TRUST…THE ONLY THING I TRUST IN RIGHT NOW IS THAT I HAVE TO MAKE SURE MY DAUGHTER IS TAKEN CARE OF…..INSTEAD OF THIS PETTY BULLSHIT OF WHETHER HIS FEELINGS GET HURT BECAUSE I DO NOT TELL HIM EVERY FUCKING LITTLE THING…**_Whoa back up….YOUR DAUGHTER?_ I let that slip out…I gave myself away…I am losing my touch….JJ you cannot say anything I am still trying to figure out what to do…._So wait a cotton picking minute you EMILY PRENTISS have a child…..so let me get this straight you never really had an abortion when you were 15?_ I look at her hesitantly as she is standing there waiting on my response and I say no I did have an abortion…..she looks at _me then when did you have another child and how the hell did we not know about it…_with a hesitant voice I say she is 7 years old…..I can see her doing the math in her head…..she ask me_ what her birthdate is_….I say August 23rd, 2006…she thinks again for another moment….._OMG….OMG….you had just had her when you started at the BAU why didn't you tell us….why didn't you…..why didn't you….oh…..I know why you didn't she's Ian's isn't she?..._I nod my head as I can feel a tear slipping down my cheek…_Oh Emily what you must of went through….oh God I am so sorry, but wait a minute where is she….where has she been this whole time? _That's when I see him coming out of my office…..this time again I know he has heard everything but I really do not care….my face must of given something away as JJ turns to see Morgan standing there with a distraught look on his face, she turns and comes to give me a hug….I hug her back and thank her for everything…..she whispers to me to please hear him out and not do anything to upset myself….as I pull from her I tell her that is a little too late and that she needs to take him with her, that I have nothing to say to him nor do I even want to see him!

_**THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN FOR THE R&R'S….I'M TAKING IN CONSIDERATION EVERYTHING YOU ALL ARE SAYING OR REQUESTS THAT I HAVE GOTTEN…..ONCE AGAIN I LOVE THE INPUT AND I WANT TO KEEP HEARING FROM YOU ALL….XOXOXOXOXO**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**First & Last Chapter 9**_

All I could think about standing their looking at JJ and him was stay calm….stay calm….do not let yourself cry…..no fucking crying…..I do not know what pissed me off more the factor that I had let things get this far or the factor that I loved him so damned much that I really wasn't mad I was just more hurt than anything! I knew I would forgive him, but as of right now I couldn't deal with this…funny I guess I never really deal with much I just seem to run away…..runaway and hope things work out for the best.

I knew the doctors said not to let things stress me or to avoid stressful situations…..the same damned thing they had been telling me for 3 months since I had left from the rehab center…..and now spending almost 3 days in the hospital from a major panic attack along with a potential heart attack, hence this lovely nice box I get to wear for the next week to monitor my heart which might I add is about obsolete.

JJ touched my arm bringing me back to the moment as she gently embraced me once more saying she was leaving and that if I needed anything to not hesitate and call no matter what…..I looked at her one more time sternly calling her by her given name….Jennifer please take him with you I am not going to ask again….Derek interrupted me speaking with enough venom in his voice…_Maybe if you would speak to me for once you might get what you wished! _**Derek…Derek…..I….I want you to leave me alone and not come back…**I think we have said all we needed to say to each other the other day….you made your point very clear and I have made my point very clear the past several days…there is nothing left here for you…..my only concern is my daughter right now which only leaves no place for you and your bias opinions of me! I do not even know what the hell I was thinking letting this happen or even thinking this was going to work…..I knew you still had not forgiving me and you fucking never will….will you? Maybe I am being selfish….maybe I have been not so forth coming….but I do not fucking care…..I have had to protect or give up everyone I have ever cared for because of decisions I made and I am living with that….that's my demons I must carrying around…..but all be damned if I have to put up with a man who…

_(September 30__th__, 2011…..As I sat next to Ian in the SUV it made me think about the day he gave me the Irish dremel ring and how he said he would always protect me…..I gave a little chuckle, then I felt him lean near me asking what's so funny love….I just turned to look at him in the eyes even in the darkness of the vehicle I could see Bella and Declan in him so much….but Bella only favored him through the eyes whereas Declan favored his father so much as a boy…..Ian asked me how she was….I looked at him funny asking him what he was talking about….I knew he was playing games with me but at what I did not have a single clue…..all I knew was Bella was safe and heaven forbid if we didn't find Declan I did not know what I was going to do…He said: Love you know exactly who I am talking about….I glared at him as if not knowing his meaning…I was hoping to god I didn't know his meaning…but….but did he know this whole time….Love I do not know why you thought you could hide her without me knowing….I had suspected you were pregnant weeks before they came and took you away…I was so happy and I thought you would have been proud to have my child as well, but when I found out you had or should I say supposedly had died in that car crash my heart ached…..although when I saw you and her in the gardens playing this summer in Paris I knew especially when I say my eyes…Luv I wish I had let you save me….instead of…..)_

As Derek wrapped his arms around me bringing me out of my thoughts….I guess it was just instinctual to just melt into him….I couldn't help myself I always felt so safe in his arms and I knew I was being unreasonable to him. _Emily please forgive me for being a complete ass…..I do honestly trust you…it's just you threw me for a loop there….I didn't know how to respond….I mean things make even more sense now….if you catch my drift…..Emily all I care about is you and wanting to make you happy…..please just do not throw us away…..please forgive me for being so damned hardheaded…..please I am begging you whole heartedly!_

I pulled slightly away from his embrace to look at him with tears streaming down his face…I knew this man was going to be the death of me as he got down on his knees to hold me at my waist and his face looking up at me all I could do was cup his face to wipe away the tears that I had caused and never wanted to see again….because in his eyes I could see family and love as always!

_(September 30__th__, 2011…..for the remainder of the ride to the airfield all I could think about was what he had said…..what would have happened if I had saved him….what would be different…..how would our life's and our children's life's be different! As I sat their holding on to Declan as he held his father's hand watching him take his last breaths of life I could only think how my daughter would never know who her father was really….she would of never known the man I fell in love with! Yes I Emily Prentiss or shall I say Lauren Reynolds was in love with this man who has brought so much pain, but who has also given me two of the most precious gifts anyone could ever give someone….he gave me a family & love!)_

When I woke up this morning still snugged tightly in his arms….all I could do was smile, I knew our life wouldn't be a bed of roses and I know the road to come is going to be filled with bumps or shall I say craters knowing our luck….but I know as long as we do it together things will work out one way or another! The doorbell rang as I looked at the clock on the bedside it read 8:42, I felt Derek stirring with a grumbly voice he said I will get it….it's probably Garcia…..I just groaned knowing that things where not yet settled but I knew we would eventually get their…I watched Derek in his stumbled half asleep march to the hallway grumbling about he was coming…I heard him open the door expecting to hear a squealing Garcia, but what I heard was or shall I say who I heard took my breath away…

_**OK SORRY I DID NOT GET A CHANCE TO UPDATE THIS WEEKEND LIKE I PROMISED….BUT YOU KNOW HOW LIFE GETS IN THE WAY! ALTHOUGH I HOPE THIS CHAPTER IS A MAKE UP FOR THAT! AS ALWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT AND R&R'S AS ALWAYS YOU ALL ARE AWESOME…..I AM HOPING TO GET ANOTHER CHAPTER POSTED TODAY IF NOT THEN DEFINTELY TONIGHT, KEEP YOUR COMMENTS COMING I LOVE THE INPUT!**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**First & Last Chapter 10**_

_(October 2012….I had been avoiding coming back to speak to Derek especially since I had turned down Senator Cramer's offer at the FBI & the Washington Post at INTERPOL, but I knew a quick visit with Bella always made all my fears or heartache disappear if only for a little while…there has always been something about her little voice that I could always pick her out of a crowd….I knew her voice, her smell, her cry…..but what I didn't know is what she felt!)_

I heard Derek ask the man if he could help him when he had asked for me…..I could hear the hesitation in Derek's voice when he asked the man who he was. I hurried out of the bed to make my way to the bathroom glanced in the mirror pulling my hair back and making sure my face was not a disheveled mess from all the crying I had done the night before along with grabbing my robe since I really did not think it was appropriate for me to run out barely clothed…I couldn't help the part of me that was hoping she was with him, but the way his voice sounded I could assume not!

As I entered the living room Derek gave me a concerned look, but I turned to say what do I have the pleasure of a visit from Max Clayborne from today…..I guessed Max could see the unsure look on my face when he spoke up to _say I did not mean to interrupt you or anything, I just needed to speak to you about our situation_…I said situation what do you mean…he said _Emily I am just going to be blunt, Stephanie and I are going through a divorce and this arrangement with Bella is making things even more stressful…..I mean I understand you do not want her hurt and you have only been trying to protect her but she knows we are not her parents along with she is only happiest when you are around her….it's almost as if she knows you are her mother regardless of what is or is not said…I mean for heaven's sake even as a baby she really was only ever consoled by you…..and to this day she screams out for you in her sleep…no matter how much Stephanie or Luciana try to make her feel better or loved…..she is such a strong willed child, but she is also a broken child because she knows where she belongs but where she belongs…well where she belongs is another story! Emily basically what I am saying is I think you need to be Bella's mother and quit this charade before she gets hurt anymore…Stephanie is planning on fighting you for rights to her is what I originally came to say….I mean I know we only have guardianship over her as in the event of something happens to you…..but dammit I just cannot keep seeing the disappoint in her face when she asks about you and then even more so when you leave her…..it's like you leave a piece of you when you leave and take a piece of her when you leave! _

I was trying to process everything Max had just said to me….was he really telling me or was I dreaming…..hell…..Max where is she….I mean who is she with right now? I felt Derek's hand at the small of my back as he leaned in to whisper in my ear saying that I needed to breath…..I guess unconsciously I had been holding my breath through most of this conversation and more so after I had asked where my baby was! I was trying to ignore the swirling/dizzy feeling that kept going on in my head making me feel as though I was on the verge of puking…..God that was all I needed to do was to make myself even more upset! Derek pulled me toward the sofa making me sit down then saying he was going to get me a something to drink, Max followed to sit across from me with a slight shake of his head I heard him take a deep breath before he said _Emily basically I need you to be in New York this Friday with your lawyer to meet with us about what needs to be done about Bella…..and I am going to be frank with you, Stephanie may go off on the deep end…..I have tried to tell her that Bella needs her mother and not us…..hell she doesn't even acknowledge us as her parents or pay us any attention….she just sits in her room reading or learning her lessons…and this whole year she…..well….she is worse she acts so depressed….she has been withdrawn…..not speaking….not eating….nothing…..I keep telling Stephanie that it's because she needs you, hell even the doctors agree that she keeps calling to come and access her, but she doesn't not want to listen….she keeps saying that Bella is her little girl!_

_(__**I wished I could say that things had went smoothly when we had that meeting on that Friday but of course nothing in my life ever goes as smoothly as I would hope for…..although about 3 weeks to the day and with much anticipation we brought my sweet Bella home…..home where she finally belonged. I am not going to lie those first couple of days where quite awkward, adjusting to being an actual mom this time around and not just her so called fairy-godmother as she had always said…)**_

Derek and I had put the whole house hunting thing on the back burner….not realizing it had been over 2 months ago he had made the suggestion…..until Bella had asked about having a puppy….she had a play date with Henry today who had just gotten a new puppy so of course Bella felt as though she needed a new one as well. As we had finished dinner I went to get Bella ready for a bath and off to bed…..after getting her all snug in bed…..at which I am not going to lie was one of my favorite parts of my day knowing I was going to get to snuggle with her and hold her for a little while till she fell asleep in my arms…..I just loved the way she puckers her little lips while sleeping or while trying to fight sleep she would always twirl her little fingers in my hair or she would play with my cross pendant while laying her little head as close to my chest as she could saying "I remember it now"…..as I caress her little cheek saying yes my darling I hope you always remember it!

As I curl myself snug into Derek's warm body feeling safe for once in a very long time….I cannot help but have the biggest grin on my face…..he pulls me tighter saying I hope that smile and glow you have had all evening is because of me...I just giggle at his comment as I turn a little to look at him a little more he leans into kiss me gently feeling his hand ease its way up to cup one of my breast giving it a light squeeze…I am tempted to say something as he leaves little feather light kisses down my neckline while his wondering hands search out other erogenous zones to play with…..I cannot keep myself from giggling even more as I try to stay in the moment with him…but I cannot help but want to tell him…..no maybe I should just enjoy this moment since these have been few and far between lately…..but before I can even think of what to say I feel those magic hands about to make me come undone…Derek….Derek…..(I can barely breath trying to say his name….God what this man does to me!)…._yeah baby…._he looks up at me with those searing caramel eyes that almost penetrate me I try to breathlessly to say I am…..

_**ALRIGHT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WANTED IT TO BE BELLA AT THE DOOR SORRY….BUT SHE IS BACK WHERE SHE BELONGS! AS ALWAYS THANK YOU FOR THE R&R'S AND AS ALWAYS I WELCOME YOUR ALL'S INPUT….UNTIL NEXT TIME!**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**First & Last Chapter 11**_

_**15 YEARS LATER….**_

_October 19, 2028….I really was not sure what to do or what to think when I had found these leather bounded journals in the bottom of my hope chest, God only knows I have not been in it since I moved away from home 4 years ago…..I really guess I should start at the beginning!_

_November 1, 2028…..My name is Bella Hope Morgan, but I was born Bella Hope Reynolds (but my given last name is really Doyle)…..I am 22 years old I am in medical school on my way to getting my PhD to be an medical examiner, thanks to my mom and dad I have been working my internship through the FBI, although it is bittersweet now the thought of it all. I had decided to basically fill in the last fifteen years or should I say just bring this up to speed from where my mother had left off! _

_As I had read page after page of my mother's stories about her time after leaving the BAU….my heart broke for this woman that I thought I knew so well, I knew my mother had went through so much and had so much taken away from her throughout her life but to what extent I was totally amiss of. I took a few weeks after finishing up rereading everything that I had found which in return brought me to understand and appreciate the love along with the heartache that my mother suffered through with my dad (in reference even though Derek is not my biological dad, he has been the best father a girl could ever ask for)…..!_

_So basically when my mother left off yes indeed she was pregnant with my brother Alex Michael Morgan who is now a strapping 14 year old teenager and already a heartthrob like our dad…lol…..when Alex was about 3 months old our parents finally married in a small family get together at my uncle Rossi's in his gardens out back….it was quite beautiful from what I do remember, but in truth my 8 year old mind was really only think about looking like a princess like my mom and of course eating cake! Everyone joked and kidded my mom & dad that they thought that this day would never come that those two would ever be settled down raising kids….well I guess they showed everyone because almost exactly to the day of my parents 1st wedding anniversary they announced the coming of my baby sister Grace Alexis Morgan who is now a beautiful 12 year old that is the spitting image of our mother except for her lovely olive toned skin attributed from our dad! Let's just say that mom definitely had her hands full with all of us….but in truth I guess I never realized how truly happy she was…..my mother had been given the best gifts she could have ever imagined she was so blessed, but deep down she felt that she was unworthy of it all. _

_On my mom's 46__th__ birthday dad had decided to take her on a trip around the world for 2 weeks….(I know funny considering my mom had been around the world before the age of 10)….still the same it meant everything to my mom just because she was with the love of her life and it was not forced upon her to visit these places, a few weeks before they were to leave mom had been so under the weather that they assumed they would have to cancel the trip…..but a few days before they were to leave mom received the results to her sudden illness….I remember her coming in yelling at my dad saying…"You just had to jinx us didn't you…..I should of known but I really was hoping"…..Yes mom was pregnant again, but the only difference this time was it was not meant to be, it was the saddest time in our household…when she was about 8 months pregnant we were coming home from a family outing when someone ran a red light crashing into the passenger side, mom was the only one hurt who had to stay in the hospital a few days, but ultimately the injuries resulted in her losing a little baby boy they named Lucas Samuel Morgan. I really do not think mom was ever the same after that…..she seemed to keep almost a sadness in her eyes! _

_Finally after months of just dealing with our loss of that little life that never got to be…..mom seemed to be back to her normal self, although I think that it was just another little thing to break her! We seemed to also have a full life full of family vacations, recitals, ballgames, or just whatever extra-curricular activities us kids seemed to be interested in our parents made sure we got to do. So when you have had what seemed like years of the best times of your life it is so bittersweet when something just comes and knocks the wind out of you!_

_Life is so unfair at times…..I know I could tell you an expanse of the things we did or didn't do throughout the years but in truth I never really realized how much my life meant to me until 9 months ago when mom was diagnosed with cancer, hell it was too late by the time they had discovered it…..she had been so stubborn for months saying it was nothing that she was just getting older and it took a little longer to get better considering everything she had been through this was nothing it was just a cold and body aches…but the cold hard fact was she was eaten up with that deadly disease and their wasn't a damned thing anyone could do…!_

_Mom lost her battle 3 weeks ago at the still very young age of 58…..it was the worst day of my life….but also I know it was a very blessed day because God received back one of his angels…..yes that was what she was "AN ANGEL"…! This has about killed my dad, he has been so distraught and lost without her, she was our backbone…..our solace….She was his saving grace! I know I could write pages upon pages about my mother but nothing would ever do her justice, nor exactly say what I really feel….but the one thing I do know is that EMILY PRENTISS-MORGAN was definitely the "First & Last" of her kind….._

_I love you mom…._

_Love Bella_

_**So please do not shoot me or hate me….but I wanted this to be short and sweet and in truth I have been distraught over what to do with this series of stories I have been writing for months….but this is the last of this series and I felt this ending needed to be somewhat bittersweet! I will continue with some one-shot's and so forth I will just see where the journey takes me! Thank you always for your support and R&R's ….xoxoxoxoxo!**_


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